Untreated enablers involved in this type of relationship are called codependents. See if you identify with any of the following common characteristics:
My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
Your struggle affects my serenity.
My mental attention is focused on solving your problems
My mental attention is focused on you
My mental attention is focused on protecting you
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
Relieving your pain bolsters my self-esteem
My own interests are put to one side and replaced with yours
Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behaviour is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me
I am not aware of how I feel I am aware of how you feel
I am not aware of what I want I ask what you want I am not aware I assume
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in my relationship with you
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
I put my values aside in order to connect with you
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours
If you answered yes to three or more you may be codependent
We need to look at ourselves and determine the difference between helpings vs enabling by asking ourselves these questions
How do I feel when I offer help?
What's in it for me?
What are my motives?
Am I thinking of them or me?
What have my actions changed?
