In the recovery process, after first accepting my addictions, I have learned that my patterns of behaviour, beliefs of myself, including using my anger to keep people from knowing and/or hurting me, were the accepted and practiced systems in my family or origin. And as in my family of origin, the consequences of these beliefs have not only enabled and hurt my spouse, but have also deeply affected and crippled my children.

I have found by acknowledging the pain, working on healing the past, grieving the losses; learning new ways of behaving and feeling, setting healthy boundaries for myself, that I am better able to care for myself, love myself and expect decent behaviour from others. I am also more capable of loving. As a result of this process, I am healthier and am now able to work with my spouse to assist in his recovery. I see positive changes in him, and believe there is hope for our relationship and by our example, hope for the healing of our children.